K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
