oh god the rape fog is back!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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