I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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