anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MIDGETS
????
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
