Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
