She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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