Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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