you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
