Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone came in the potted fern
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
