you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
