Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
