you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
