she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
