ugly people sure do ruin things
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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