Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
