Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
