shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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