Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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