I wish I could punch you in the face.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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