So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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