I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
