don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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