So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
