well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize