I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
