fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
