He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
