How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
