I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
