to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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