True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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