In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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