is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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