Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
