Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
