Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
