If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize