So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
