if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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