I'm jealous of your bromance
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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