hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
