you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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