I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
