If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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