I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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