Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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