Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
