i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
