we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
