At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
