so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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