You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.