I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
