i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.