Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again