Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.