A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
