jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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