I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
