dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
