this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
