8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sext me about skeletons
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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