Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
