I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
