I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
