About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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