:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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