I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
