Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
