oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
